Rules on dating a musician
I’ll be writing this article based on my personal experience as a single male musician.I’m also based in New York City, which makes dating even harder.If you complain about this, you're massively selfish, FYI. "", presumably, being the relentless torture that inflicts musicians on an epidemic scale. His existential crisis is the Camilla to your Charles and Diana. His neuroticism puts him at the centre of any number of imagined scenarios in which he's letting you down or breaking your heart or HEY WHAT A GREAT IDEA FOR A SONG! He, however, has lived the life less ordinary forever and as such cannot fathom the prospect of being enchained in the corporate routine of work/sleep/death.
We were secretly hoping to keep those types of moments to a minimum and only expose you to that sort of thing at, say, family holiday parties. But for normal people, carrying heavy things up and down stairs and then trying to Tetris them into a van that’s too small is a pain in the ass.
Don’t take my swearing-off musicians as a warning, per se. They have intense relationships with their band mates that will be more important to them than the relationship they have with you. It’s a wonder anyone in a band has time for a romantic relationship given how much time they spend bickering with each other over big egos, women, money, and God knows what else. So handle with care: the sweet, sensitive guy who writes you love songs is also going to be sensitive about that nasty Pitchfork commenter. Your musician boo may not write songs about you, exactly, but about your relationship or love in general.
On the contrary, my loss is your gain — the more for you! Whether it’s an all-out Axl Rose and Slash situation or more of a slow-simmering Keith Richards and Mick Jagger resentment, band bros have more drama than the “Real Housewives” cast.
I’d been dating them since high school, both casual guitar-noodlers and career musicians who had songs on CW shows and their faces on T-shirts. If you’re comfortable with long absences, then this is great. Expect to pay for more than your share/everything, but don’t get trapped into supporting him financially at the expense of your own career. While there are plenty of musicians who have day jobs, there are than a few trust fund brats. Think Mel on “Flight Of The Conchords”: mostly harmless, just annoying. A song is not a present (at least in my book), unless your name is Elton John and the song is “Your Song.” But if you date a musician, especially an impoverished musician, he’s going to write you a song in lieu of a more appropriate gift. Blame it on going onstage every night at 11, but a lot of successful musicians are creatures of the night.
Again and again I’d fall for the sensitive guitar player who wears eyeliner … But maybe you will be bothered by him missing your birthday because he has a gig in New Jersey, or inclined to paranoia that he’s got “a girl in every port.” Also, if you have pets or kids together, you should expect to do more of the care when he’s on tour. Again, these people aren’t worth getting jealous or insecure about. I might possibly be bitter because I got a song for Valentine’s Day one year which appeared to have been written that same day. If you’re someone who works a 9-to-5 job and requires a full night’s sleep like I do, this is not a match. This is just a fact about all creative folks — writers like myself, actors, musicians, whatever.